On Monday, had another visit from Rachel, and after a few teary bits of discussion, we came to a plan to change my medication – with lots of reassurance about levels and what is going to work, etc. This is still the area I have the most concern about, but I’m really trying to listen to the advice I’m being given and act on it. So…. long story short, more of some and taking diazepam (a small amount) a couple of times a day to loosen me up physically.
And it’s made a huge difference. I’ve had a couple of genuininely good night’s sleep for the first time I can remember. Which is and incredible relief. I’ve actually woken up feeling refreshed, which is such a positive change, I can’t think of another time it feels like I’ve had a step-change like this. Don’t get me wrong, I know that there are still difficulties and everything ahead, but the point of this time is to make it as good as possible. And I feel night-and-day different to how I’ve felt for a very long time.
Still a bit hazy on days, but managed the longest walk I’ve done in a very long time, going from Bournemouth Square to the sea front, sitting down for a bit and then coming back. Actually registered a full yellow ring on the watch!
I’m still having issues with breathing – sometimes it just gets away from me – and my heart rate can be up or down, but I’m told this is normal in my situation, and it looks like with appropriate breathing (which I can manage once I apply myself) I can get my oxygen level up to a decent level. I certainly know when it’s getting low, and fortunately my watch allows me to check this easily without me needing to probably over-do it and hyperventilate!
Mornings are still a work in progress – some are now tolerable, this morning, much less so. Mark came over again yesterday and did an epic job in getting the last of the new and old wood tidied up in the workshop, so it turns out (surprise, surprise, anyone who knows me will not be surprised by this) I’d got a whole load extra wood for “just in case”…. which needs to go. It’s all brand new stuff which I used for the roof of the extensions, and about £300 worth. So that is not being given away, I’m going to sell it for half price with a bit of luck… but most importantly, there’s now a space for T to store all the camping gear neatly and Moo and Eddie’s cosplay has somewhere to live outside of the house. All sort of everyday stuff, and all just taking some friction off both of us.
In the light of my exertion the other days I’m taking it easy today an tomorrow night is Eddie’s final show. Nothing physical. Just some computer nerdery, sat in the comfy chair, on the patio with the bifolds open. I am so lucky to have been able to build this for us. And it’s been great for me as I can be outside with zero exertion or interruptions.
Eddie’s show is a date that I never thought I’d be alive for. When I first saw it, that was the first thing I thought – I’m not sure when that was, but it was a good few months ago.
And T’s amazing care and dedication to me has meant that I’ve got here, and will be in a position to actually go to it. Which is just such a milestone, I couldn’t have imagined it a few months ago. Not to say I’m 100% or fixed or anything like that. But nothing has ever been too much trouble for her. I’m being looked after in the best way possible, and I think this has been the biggest thing to get me to where I am. Yes…. it’ll be a bit of a struggle getting there and in place… and I’ll need to know exactly where the toilets are as when I need to go, I really need to go.
And Summer is visiting from today – last time we said goodbye I cried because again, I was convinced I’d not see her again. So I’ll try not to get run over before tea time.
Thanks for reading. It means a lot to me.
