I’ve discovered many things over what’s happened, and discussing it with T, came to a conclusion. Not only is it OK to be wrong, it’s necessary if you want to grow. And because of preconceptions if I hadn’t thought about this (and kind of pre-admitted I was wrong before doing something), then I would have missed out on some truly transformitive experiences.
Aromatherapy – this, I definitely wouldn’t have taken on board before. Probably would have scoffed at a lot of it. But I’ve always known the power of smells and how closely they are connected to memory. But not put two and two together. My aromatherapy sessions have combined massage with a scent which was made up for me by the Macc unit aromatherapist, and they have been so good that I’ve been unable to feel negative at the time. Which is genuinely incredible given what’s happening to me, I think. It’s a superpower. And there’s even a cheat code. She made sticks up which contain the same scent. So when I take a few breaths of that, I’m partly transformed back to that state. I would never have believed it previously, and while I don’t think I was that closed-minded, I know that I wouldn’t be this open to it either in the past.
Gong Bath – something that I actively shied away from before all this started. And when I went to it, it was one of the most deep experiences I think I’ve ever had. I was transformed and taken away from all of this to somewhere else. Somewhere alternately dark and light – where I felt like I was free and not bound to anything. 90 minutes of pure… well, I don’t have the language to describe it. It was just being taken away from here and to somewhere else. There were no religious or mystic elements attached to it, which I really appreciated for one reason and T did for another. It was just…. something that I think everyone should try once. Because regardless of whether you get what I got from it, I’d think it would take the most cynical person to be able to be present for something like that and not feel something.
Being Open to thinks you knee-jerk “no” to – this goes back to my first stay in hospital, tangentially. The guy in the bed next to me had just had six stents fitted. He was properly ill. But there was ‘nothing wrong with [me]’. Anything he was asked he just refused. This was such an eye-opener, and I thought ‘maybe I’m like that’. And I was. So I’ve been open to suggestions much more than I was before, because not only did I see there might be utility in it, I also saw how much strain it put on his relationship with his wife (and probably everyone else around him – certainly all the medical staff). So I try not to knee jerk a no all the time, and that has led me to do things both small and large which have probably helped. Plus I’ve done what I’m told when I’m told in terms of medication etc. No messing, no fuss. Not just blindly following because concerns have been voiced by me and actioned, so I’m not just following anything. And yes, I’m still baulking at the oromorph, but I’m working on that as well, bit by bit. And I’ll get there.
So…. that’s it really. I think there’s probably way too much “digging in” happening everywhere in the world. Everyone is an expert somehow, and their opinion is totally correct…. except it really can’t be, can it? No-one has everything right – that’s simply not possible. And being open to admitting I was wrong has opened the doors to better, new experiences which I would never have had if I’d just said “no” because I knew it wouldn’t work for me.
