So, this is apropos of nothing to do with Andor per se, although I’ve been enjoying it immensely, and didn’t think I’d see the start of Series 2, let alone all of it thanks to them dropping 3 episodes a week. But I’ve just watched S2E8. If you don’t want a (minor) spoiler, then don’t read the rest of this post until you’ve watched it…
It’s just left me absolutely in bits, crying my eyes out just as T came home. I’ve never felt anything like it, because the pointless, futile deaths of people on screen hasn’t really resonated with me other than it being something happening to someone fictional – or even when it’s a dramatisation of real events. The intensity of the battle that happens, and the multitude of deaths. I don’t think I’ve cried like I just did ever over something like that, and I suppose that’s the measure of what’s still going on in my mind. I’m thinking about it all the time, even at a low level, in the background, whirring away. Not like I was in January, or in early April when I got the worse news – then I’d literally think “Last time you’ll do X” all the time.
But it’s always there, ready to colour whatever I’m experiencing. I’m trying my best not to let it destroy everything (after all, it will do this eventually anyway), but it’s difficult not to have a dark, long shadow cast over everything, and when it’s overtly about death, then it’s never going to be far away. I’ve avoided a lot of difficult material in the last few months as I knew it would be too much, but wasn’t expecting this – I guess it’s both a testament to how good the series is, but also to what is still being processed (to a degree) for me.
Ultimately this is something everyone has to face – I know that – but facing it at this point in this way just makes it much more acute for me.
